It is true that this school I go to presently is amazing academically and I would probably get a full-ride scholarship to go to the collage I want to if I keep going, but for the last six years I have been deprived of any social life that I feel like an incomplete person. It hurts so much more than I can say. If it was physical labor, I could deal with it, but it is not. It is emotional, mental stuff that I don't understand.
It is clear to me that the school I go to presently is better for me in the long run as far as education, but if I graduate an angry, hurt girl, that is not a good thing. I was reading today in my Bible, 1 Corinthians 10:12-13; So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. I felt like God was telling me, 'It's okay. I'll help you get through it. Things aren't so bad when we do them together.'
I asked him why I was so unhappy and he said it was because I spend to much time thinking about my own problems, so I get depressed. 1 Corinthians 10:24; No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. That makes total sense because whenever I serve others I am really happy, but when I focus on how I am "deprived" of any social life, I get angry, ugly, and sad.
It is always nice to get that affirmation from God saying he is holding your hand. You know that already, but whenever he tells me that it just makes me feel more confident. Thank you God.
~Daughter of the Light~
This is a beautiful depiction of honesty and your raw feelings. It's important to be able to be honest with how you feel in the midst of trying to seek God, listen and be obedient. Sometimes it's really hard to see what He is doing in the midst. But He is surely DOING! He is molding you into who He wants you to be and you are sensitive enough to try to continue to listen to Him even though it hurts. I'm so very proud of the beautiful young woman you are. You really don't see yourself the way others do. The truth will continue to reveal itself to you and sometimes more boldly even when we have to walk through hard, confined spaces that we would not choose. I'm walking through the same thing right now in the midst of something I don't understand and can't change with my husband's health issues. You know what? God is speaking to me in new ways right now. He's showing me things I would not have seen if I was distracted by an easy, simple life...not in the needing. It occurs to me that perhaps God is protecting you more than you realize through your parents not allowing you to go to the other school. When I think of the effect being there has had on my daughter, the slow layers of the world that build up each day unnoticed until you have to struggle to find the person you really are. Perhaps you are right where you are supposed to be. But, when you need to cry, cry. When you need to tell God you don't understand, tell Him. And when you need to blog, by all means blog! I love you and I appreciate your honesty.
ReplyDeleteAwe, thank you. It is so encouraging to know that people like you have my back. You always have great advice. I'm so glad you can see God working in your life as well. It can be kind of scary, but it can also be exciting. Today I spent an hour singing worship songs and playing on my guitar and I felt super excited for what God has in store for me.
Delete